Hello Friend,
The name of this website doesn’t mean anything to me other than my love for seascapes. This is one of my spare domains from years ago. There are no pictures here so if this is what you came here for, I’m so sorry to disappoint. Speaking of pictures, I cycle through phases when I update regularly, or not at all. I would rather experience real life than spend time taking pictures, but when I do bother with them, I look at individual frames and select ones that best reflect my current mood. It’s currently cold and dark where I reside so I’m trying to remind myself of happier days. I also think it’s interesting to see if my own tastes in composition align with the masses.
Since I have this space, I decided to quickly answer some FAQs. Rather than send individual cut and paste messages, I thought it is more effective to answer them here. I would never want to mislead anybody, even unintentionally so I thought it’s a matter of social responsibility to address a few things.
Why are you not responding?
This is in no way a reflection of my opinion of you. Apps are not something I am dedicated to monitoring consistently. I really do my best but I’m not infallible and will slip up. It’s truly never personal. Overanalyzing, assuming , or taking it personally doesn’t help anybody. There are thousands of other people for you to swipe through. If someone doesn’t respond, you shouldn’t even notice. You have far too much value as a person to allow a stranger’s incompetence with administrative work (on an app!) put a damper on your day. Life has enough challenges without misinterpreting anything to your disadvantage. I suspect men underestimate the disparity between the number of messages men and women receive.
Why are you on an app?
I enjoy learning about different parts of the word through its people. Technology makes this possible. I view most of my interactions as a journey into modern day cultural anthropology. I surge swipe before traveling or when I’m considering a trip. There are times I’m just curious as to what the people in a different city are like. Few things tell me as much about a place as its inhabitants. That being said, when I am in a relationship, I would not be on any app out of respect for the other person. In general, I run hot and cold on these things. I take weeks and months off when I’m focused on other things but there are times I check in daily.
What kind of person are you attracted to?
I try to avoid looking at pictures when I’m engaging in good conversation because a good personality means far more to me than conventional good looks. In general, I like dynamic, intellectually curious people with passion and chutzpah. The analogy here would be “people of similar frequency”. Some people like jazz, others like hip hop or heavy metal. One archetype is not superior than the other, but I enjoy crossing paths with kindred spirits who also LOVE learning and trying new things! Even if we have opposing opinions, I am very open to hearing why somebody holds certain believes. Opinions ebb and flow and nobody’s viewpoint is the ultimate truth.
Physically, I’m a petite person who loves well-dressed, tall men. I remember being a small child roaming the departmental stores. The visual of men trying on suiting has always captivated and mesmerized me. I’ve always admired the combination of good fabric with a great fit. Cashmere and worsted wool are my personal favourites, and accessories such was cufflinks and time pieces catch my immediate attention, even though I would never let you catch me staring…I hope! Subtle refinement always makes an impression. I see beauty in many things. Even a simple white t-shirt paired with jeans can look great.
What are you looking for?
I’m open to all possibilities except one night stands. Have I been tempted? I’m human but the answer is very rarely because cultivating desire appears to be a lost art. I find self-discipline incredibly appealing. There is a magic alchemy of traits, paired with sincerity and goodness that make a person intoxicatingly irresistible, breathtakingly so. This would be my kryptonite.
I would not change my mind if walking away is not easy…especially if walking away is not easy. Unless there is a good reason for me to form emotional attachments, I practice the eastern precepts of “non-attachment”.
I treat people who enter my space with care, and I am really not into tossing them aside after one “use”. Similarly, I do not wish to be put in this situation so I extricate myself from it. I’m very pragmatic and have nothing against people who utilize apps for instant gratification. My male friends share their stories with me and I always enjoy hearing them speak of their amusing adventures. They treat women well so I root for their success. I am not judgemental or dogmatic and I am able to observe and appreciate all ways of existing in the world.
In general, I’m a minimalist with the company I keep. I avoid emotional and physical clutter. I’m able to compartmentalize more effectively than the average person but I am very conscious of the fact that every action has consequences, even if not immediately apparent. There is almost always a spacious pause between my thoughts and actions but I reserve my unbridled spontaneity for people close to me.
But what about our “connection”? If you believe there is a connection, it will still be there the next day. Words mean very little to me without the corresponding actions. I try to be impeccable with mine.
Why do you not accept coffee, beer, or hiking dates?
I prefer being comfortable and feeling inspired. These things simply do not suit my personality. It is truly the company that matters but I am a very bad actress. When I am not feeling my best, it shows. I’d rather not take the chance that you may falsely attribute yourself as the source of my displeasure. If you ask me out for coffee, I can tell right away you have not bothered to read my profile. This is an observation, not a judgement. Not many people have the attention span or desire to read. (I have three bookshelves and a few kindles lying around and I still find it difficult to fit much reading into my day.)
On the topic of dates, it is my policy not to ask personal questions if it is my first time meeting you. I’m a keen observer of human nature so many answers are right before my eyes. Feel free to share anything you would like me to know.
I wonder…if Sherlock Holmes were to go on a date, would he ask a lot of questions?
Not many people will match your preferences.
I’m well aware. I am certainly not for everybody. Friendships and relationships are sacred to me so I don’t haphazardly invite people into my life or spread myself too thinly amongst many. The people in my life mean the world to me and my inner circle is my family. I cultivate and nurture long standing relationships through good times and bad.
Even when I buy shoes, for example, I would rather buy the best quality, treat them well, and mend as required. The Japanese have a term, “wabi-sabi” that resonates with me. This philosophy extends to people. With the exception of organic produce, I’m not in the habit of attracting people and things into my life with short expiry dates. It’s the same reason why I can’t bear to shop at dollar stores. I would rather appreciate and cherish than discard, in spite of flaws and imperfections. People are not instruments of convenience.
Time is a non-renewable resource. Even if all we have is a sliver of time together, I’d like it to be memorable in a good way. This begins with mutual respect and understanding.
Women use apps to boost their ego. Is this for your ego?
No, I wish! If only self-confidence could be had so easily, I’d bottle it up and share it with the world.
I am relatively private (until you get to know me) and my swipe right rate is about 3-5% depending on the city. There are times I would count over a hundred without a single swipe right. For some reason, the process is quite meditative for me. It’s like counting sheep as I drift off to bed. My current settings only allow those who I have swiped right on to see me. Caveat: My accuracy is imperfect, and my hand-eye coordination betrays my intention at times. I would never tell someone I’ve accidentally swiped on them since I don’t rule out happy accidents.
Is this a game?
No. I never play with people’s feelings. I’m just an insatiably curious person. I prefer playing the game of real life where there are more tangible wins. The opinions of strangers is the last place I would look to for self affirmation.
I’m intimidated.
Really, don’t be. Maybe it is I who should be intimidated? I’m a softie by nature but I’ve learned the trick to maintaining the softness is to protect it with good structure. Although this “structure” may be misinterpreted, I have the soles of my feet firmly rooted to the ground. I am surrounded with extraordinary people so humility is not an option.
I’d like to get to know you a little better.
Please understand, this requires no action on my part. I consider the statement pleasant and friendly, to be taken casually. Soft asks such as “what are you doing this weekend” won’t get you anywhere because I take all questions at their literal face value. Hints rarely work because I take nothing for granted. I never assume. I also don’t react to allusions to arbitrary activities with no set time or place because there is simply insufficient information for me to respond to. My responses to half-baked, ambiguous statements will always come across as rejections because I really don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not my position to seek clarification because the way a person chooses to communicate tells me a lot. I accept people for who they are, and meet them where they’re at. I admire and respect men with courage. I empathize with those currently working on it.
If you are afraid of rejection, know that I don’t interpret invitations to meet as anything more than your desire for a for a friendly chat for the exchange of thoughts and ideas. I think it’s fun, and possibly enlightening to explore perspectives outside one’s social circle. My inability to meet is rarely a rejection of a particular person. It’s a matter of my current mood, circumstances, and timing. (To the lovely people in my home city of Vancouver, I am not around until the new year) I’m a traditionalist in the sense that I believe men are natural pursuers but I don’t play hard-to-get games. If you have straight out asked me out two consecutive times, the ball is back in my court. Allow me the privilege of making the next move.
I can’t figure you out./You’re mysterious.
Does the sphinx or the Mona Lisa seek to be understood? (I kid) I confess, I don’t always know where this sentiment comes from because I’m very clear about what I’m about. I suppose different acumens are required to understand different puzzles. I’m guessing you’re overthinking, expecting to use calculus formulas when simple addition is all that is required so to speak.
I’ve received this comment a number of times so I’ll address it. There is a certain irony at play here. The types of people that try to figure me out right away never do while there are a few who understand me at first glance, so much so that few words need to be uttered. I’m awestruck when I meet such people. They speak as though they can read my mind, and I, theirs.
I’ve been compared to nesting Matryoshka dolls. Someone else referenced a Winston Churchill’s quote, “… a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma..” Gentlemen, there is absolutely no need to overanalyze. I answer specific questions appropriate to the degree of rapport that has been established between us. I’m very candid in answering questions appropriate to the moment but over sharing irrelevant trivia has never been my forte as I’d much rather learn about others than hear myself speak. I’d rather show than tell, through actions, not words. It’s for others to come up with adjectives to describe me, and what people think of me is not my business. I’ve found the old adage “empty vessels make the most noise” to be true. I see no point in listing off attributes for the sake of bragging. I’d rather underpromise and overdeliver.
It’s natural for people to seek a way to categorize and put others in boxes but I really don’t believe in being constrained. I always seek to evolve and improve so self-descriptive boiler plate statements have little appeal to me. How I am depends very much on who I am speaking with, in the sense that different people inspire me in different ways. I have depth and breadth of knowledge and experiences that allow me relate to most.
I am not a simple person but I aim for simplicity. Bruce Lee said, “be like water”. I say why not? Still waters run deep. This is the simplest way I can describe myself: I just want to surround myself with people I love, cuddle cute, fluffy animals, and experience unseen sights and sounds.
Some people want to know my interests and hobbies. The truth is, I have diverse interests. My likes are infinitely more than my dislikes because I rule out very little. I love challenging myself and trying new things. I cannot think of many new activities I would not try and I always remember people who have taken the time to introduce me to their favourite past times. According to Buddhists, aversions bring suffering. I believe this philosophy to be true, but this is not why my list of dislikes is relatively short. I’m just of the belief that limited mindsets limit what you are able to experience from life, including the most profound and beautiful.
To assuage your curiosity, I’ll list two things:
I appreciate fashion and art (in a way that respect everyone’s tastes and practicalities). I’m not a snob.
I enjoy watching documentaries and world news from different parts of the world, and from both sides of the aisle. F. Scott Fitzgerald said: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” I like you the same whether you agree or disagree.
This is WAY too much talking. I’d rather have fun than wax poetic. Please don’t overcomplicate things by trying to figure me out in one sitting.
How do you swipe?
1/3s for left swipes, 1-2 s for right swipes. Apps are a great way to test my own intuition. Body postures and expressions tell me a lot.
Not an FAQ but one of my best friends, K just shared her recent travel story with some friends. The subject line: “Miracles Happen” I think feelings are really inconvenient because I am a already a bit sensitive but she often calls me to talk about hers in the middle of the day. She’s awesome so I take her calls whenever possible. I tell her we have to be more like men and feel less.
I find her inspiring because she is always looking for opportunities to help others. I’m about to travel myself so I won’t be updating this for awhile. Some travel plans (connecting planes, trains, and automobiles) give me anxiety so the binge swiping relaxed me. It’s time to dial it way back. Happy Holidays!
“November 11, 2019 my father had a stroke that landed him in serious condition in an Intensive Care Unit in one of the Moscow General Hospitals. Five hours after I was told about it I was on the plane to Moscow.I took care of my half paralyzed father day and night together with my sister and mom, with the support of so many of my wonderful friends!My return flight was booked for November 27 at 7.30 am. My sister and I had our alarms set for 3.30 am to get ready to go to the airport. I woke to the sound of my alarm just to discover that I was bleeding heavily out of my ear. My hands, sheets, pillows were all covered in blood. Blood was still coming out of my ear! Ambulance, hospital, CT scan….. Horrified look in my sisters eyes…. No diagnosis. Ruptured blood vessel in the ear. I missed my flight back home. I was still bleeding when that plane took off. Doctors advise – rest, don’t stress, don’t fly.I believe that everything happens for a reason. A mysterious bleed stopped me from boarding that plane. I was not supposed to be on it. After having another exam by a specialist I was cleared to fly home the next morning….. We laughed with my family that I may never find out what the Devine reason was for me missing that flight…..BOY, WAS I WRONG!!!I boarded my flight and immediately fell asleep. Plane barely reached the altitude as the cabin crew announcement in German woke me up. Is there a doctor on board? We are asking all medics and doctors to present themselves to the cabin crew.I didn’t think for a sec. I rushed to the back of the plane.I presented myself to the cabin crew stating that I was a CPR, advanced first aid and trauma trained non medic, also a medical interpreter. Those are official certifications…… Not much to brag about. In reality this was not my first time…..I trusted my skills could be of service to a doctor should he require a second set of hands.Crew showed me to the patient who was stretched out on the floor at the back of the plane. Grey as a clay his face was sweaty and cold, he lost conciseness in his seat after feeling short of breath, chest rising fast in an effort to get more air in.There were two men by his side who were checking him out. When I asked if I could be of help and if they were doctors they answered that they were dentists flying to a conference.I asked their permission to conduct my assessment and they happily agreed. I asked that I am brought my own oximeter from my purse as I trust my machine better. I always carry my own little toolkit with few of my favourites. By time it arrived I have been conducting my assessment. My two “colleagues” requested that I take charge and that they are here to assist me in any way. Chain of command was established. Situation was grave. His stats were poor. His heart was struggling. I ruled out a whole bunch of causes quickly. After making a preliminary diagnosis I instructed the crew to provide us with an oxygen tank and a mask to start. We started treating the patient. He was stabilized for now. His vitals improved. I knew he was not out of the woods by no means. I instructed my team to get ready for the worst as I was positive he could have started crushing any minute. Altitude, turbulence, pressure changes, crying wife, food service carts and passengers who wanted more alcoholic beverages were not making things easier.My team was composed and performed well.I asked that the crew get everything cleared and make space for our tools. We laid out life saving apparatuses and went over CPR roles.The back of the plane became our improvised flying ER.We faced many more difficulties as his condition was not improving and worsened a few times but as an amazing team we safely landed in Munich avoiding emergency landing and handed him over to the Ambulance doctors on the ground that were awaiting for us on the tarmac.This was meant to be for all of us! We were put on that plane for a reason. He was the reason. This explains my mysterious ear bleed that prevented me from flying the day before.My team and I stayed together and celebrated the happy ending at the airport while waiting for our connecting flights!! Two amazing men that did not shy away from a tough situation. This Moscow – Munich flight will be in my memory for a long time!!”
If there are more FAQs, I’ll add them here, but that’s all for now! Be good to each other!
*The omission of certain keywords is intentional. I have no interest in disseminating my thoughts beyond my intended audience. (Yes, I know I can use coding so that search engine spiders will avoid this page but I simply can’t be bothered)
**I have not monetized this page. If you see an ad on this page, it is because I am using WordPress’ hosting for free.
Still here? Click here for my random stream of consciousness.
For my people who are feeling down:
I was partly inspired to create a page because I was saddened by the number of people so down on themselves. This is not an appropriate platform to get too deep, however I’d like to express a few points. 1. You’re not alone (obviously). 2. The only way to deal with pain is through. I’ve seen few things cause more prolonged damage than the avoidance of pain. 3. It will never seem fair that you have to suffer the original wound, then again and again from the consequences of bearing the scars from it. There is a saying “If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you.”
Learned helplessness is never a good place be but it is quite common. There is a tendency for people to suffer for so long, they forgot what the alternative feels like. I’m sorry you are going through pain.
The following books may be helpful:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van Der Kolk
In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A Levine
FAQ 